Wednesday 30 December 2009


Shy Talk? Eh?

Oh yeah, I get it.

Shite-Hawk! What a great name for a beer!


Saturday 19 December 2009

Santa's Woeful?

Santa's Skinful by Three B's [bees on the label - geddit?] Brewery.

I suppose we should be grateful it's not called "Santa's Sackful".

Friday 18 December 2009

Another Christmas Clunker

For some brewers Christmas is Cringe-mas!

Geddit? "Stocking filler" is a little extra prezzie, such as a bottle of beer. It is also a contrived description of a young lady far too scantily cla.... oh I give up.

Tuesday 15 December 2009

You'll catch your death going out like that # 1456

You'll catch your death going out like that
Originally uploaded by bltphoto

A dubious Christmas Offering from a cross the water (Belgian) courtesy of Pete Brown. A Kelly Brook look a like who as always ordered her Santa costume 4 sizes to small.
By the Duwac Brewery.

Monday 14 December 2009

One From the Archives

You'll be relieved to learn that Dent Brewery, since a change of ownership, has abolished its policy of appalling artwork, concepts and names.

Here we bring you a reminder of their shameful past.

Friday 11 December 2009

Crack Whore


Love your hall of shame website.  Here's one I encountered while looking at the Humpty Dumpty brewery website.  I feel a bit guilty having enjoyed their beers on several occasions but I feel it's the only way to bring this daft practice to an end.


Matthew Kelly

Batemans Brewery - "Miss Luscious"

"I thought Bateman's were better than this to be honest." - Barm

Batemans Brewery - "Miss Luscious"

Wychwood Brewery - "The Dog's Bollocks"

Nothing screams quality beer more than a bollocks reference. eve comes with the catchy warning......may contain nuts - Kirsty McKready.

Monday 30 November 2009

Cropton Brewery - "Dangleberry Ale"

Berry Berry Bad!
Nothing say's perfectly crafted local beer like alluding to the backside of a sheep. And it will apparently blow your reproductive organs off hurrah ! Oh and it's also got a picture of somone wearing a baseball hat on backwards....

Friday 20 November 2009

Salamander's Trouser Trumpet

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: David W. Bailey
Date: 2009/11/19
Subject: Trouser Trumpet

I do sometimes wonder if the objection to a little bit of fun with beer names etc is being a bit, one persons classy advertising is crass to somebody else. I know some people see BrewDog as crass for instance.

However, when I saw Trouser Trumpet, and also witnessed peoples obvious subliminal aversion to even tasting it, because of the name, then that's when I realised that there is a point to what you are doing. If weak double entendres sell beer than it's not a problem and I've seen otherwise grown up, middle aged men turn into giggling childish school boys and order a round of something that Pumpclip Parade might object to. When the joke becomes offensive to the majority of the people it is aimed at then it has failed.

You can quote me if you wish.

Saturday 14 November 2009

Christmas Beer Cringes

Some bottles spotted in Booths today.

All fall in the irksome category "Dad likes beer dunnee our Kyle? Lez gerrim some for Christmas."

Beazelbub's Achin' Wombat Gueuze

Here's a link to a name generator for American microbrews. "Beazelbub's Achin' Wombat Gueuze" was our first attempt. Is it possible that there's a similar name generator for UK real ales?

Thursday 5 November 2009

Pictures Needed – Britain's Worst Beer Names.

Here's a list of cringy names I compiled from the GBG a couple of years ago. Some may be dead and gone but many are still around. Let's see if we can get some pictures to complement the gloriously awful names.

Some are worse than others, but I'd say all fail the ordering-at-the-bar test: they all require a little shrug of the shoulders, a roll of the eyes and a sigh to signify to the bar staff you are not a sad freak.

It's all here: crappy puns, allusions to injury of craniums and grey matter; gratuitous alliteration; smutty snurfling; Dungeons&Dragons; Ye-Oldiness; furry or slimy critters; bombastic belligerence.


Ale Mary
Baz's Bonce Blower
Bearly Literate
Bashful Beaver
Bumble Hole Bitter
Codrington Codger
Collie Wobbles
Crafty Shag
Croak & Stagger
Dizzy Dick
Doff Cocker
Dog Daze
Dozey Dawg
Druid's Fluid
Fine Fettle
Flashman's Clout
Friar Duck
Friggin in the Riggin
Frog Bog
Funky Monkey
Gartley Nagger
Guest Fest
Hadda's Headbanger
Hairy Helmet
Haunted Hen
Honey Bunny
Humpty Dumpty's Downfall
Hung Drawn 'n' Portered
Jock's Trap
Keel Over
Keystone Hops
Knocker Up
Kornish Nektar
Kripple Dick
Lancashire & Yorkshire Aleway
Land of Hop and Glory
Leper Squint
Lickerish Stout
Love Muscle
Mad Monk
Milk of Amnesia
Mucky Duck
Mutley's Revenge
Mutts Nuts
Naughty Ferrets
Naughty Nell's
Nessies Monster Mash
Nether Underestimate a Blonde
No-Eye Deer
Norfolk Nog
Nowtsa Matter
Numpty Bitter
Oggy Vog
Old(e) - 81 examples including:
Old Comfort
Old Disreputable
Old Dog
Old Fecker
Old Growler
Old Groyne
Old Jock
Old Knobbley
Old Slapper
Old Slug
Old Speckled Hen
Old Stoatwobbler
Old Stumpy
Old Tosser
Olde Codger
One for the Toad
One-Der-Ful Wheat
Over and Stout
Pail Ail
Pain in the Glass
Palmer's Poison
Parker's Porter
Parson's Pledge
Pawn Star
Penny's Porter
Peploe's Tipple
Pheasant Plucker
Piddle in the Dark/Hole/Snow/Wind
Pinch Noggin'
Piston Bitter / Brew
Plucking Pheasant
Poacher's Dick/Pocket/Pride/Trail
Polly's Folly
Pot Wallop
Pressed Rat and Warthog [yes, I know it's a song name]
Pucks Folly
Puritan's Porter
Quacker Jack
Rack and Ruin
Rail Ale
Rambers Ruin
Rampant Gryphon
Rams Revenge
Reel Ale
Ribble Rouser
Ringing Roger
Rite Flanker
Rougham Ready
Rucking Mole
Rusty Bucket
Sauce of the Niall
Sawley Tempted
Sheepshaggers Gold
Side Pocket for a Toad
Silk of Amnesia
Sipping Bull
Slaughter Porter
Sleck Dust
Slippery Jack
Slurping Stoat
Snoozy Suzy
Soar Head
Spike's on t'Way
Summa That
Sunny Daze
Sweaty Clog
Tabatha the Knackered
Tackler's Tipple
Taffy's Tipple
Thistle Tickler
Tits Up
Tittesworth Tipple
Top Totty
Trembling Rabbit
Trotter's Tipple
Trout Tickler
Wafty Cranker (NEW!)
Weiss Buoy
Weiss Squad
What the Duck
Whitley Wobbler
Wigan Bier
Winkle Warmer Porter
Wobbly Bob
Ye Olde Trout

Carry On Beer Drinking?

Found you this little bundle of joy from Skinny Blonde - they use thermochromic ink that makes the bikini disappear as the beer warms up......class

[JP: not really real-ale but if it puts beer in general in a bad light it's worth including. Thanks]

Wednesday 4 November 2009

Wychwood "Wizards Staff".

Brought to our attention by Beer Nut, many thanks.

Wychwood Brewery - "Bountiful"

The most embarassing pump clip I've seen for a while is Wychwood Brewery's "Bountiful".

[submitted by Anon, thanks anyway]

Hart Brewery

Hi Jeff,

Pump Clip Parade is a great idea.  I'm sure you've seen these already, but Hart Brewery would appear to be the biggest offenders of the lot, and I've attached a bunch.  Their (horrific) site is here :

The "Squirrel's Hoard" clip in particular boggles the mind.

Keep up the great work.


Friday 30 October 2009

Annual Grimace at the GBBF.

Why doesn't CAMRA just tell them to stop this?

It's just NOT FUNNY.

Alcohol played a large role in killing these people.

Fuzzy Duck Brewery - "Thumb Ducker"

Fuzzy Duck Brewery - "Thumb Ducker"

Oh Please!!: Coney Island "Albino Python"

Oh Please!

Originally uploaded by bltphoto

This is doubly (dubbely seen as it's a beer!) poor throughout tortured visual pun Tick pneumatic babe tick shame as the art work is reminiscent of Bryan Talbot of Luther Arkwright fame. Seem to remember that beer was ok though.

Black Sheep Brewery "Funny" Beermat

If I was Stevie Wonder I'd sue for defamation and copyright infringement.

Shepherd Neame - "Bishop's Finger"

Shepherd Neame - "Bishop's Finger"

Oh, how we chortled. Not.

Nethergate Brewery - "Azzaskunk"

Nethergate Brewery -  "Azzaskunk"