York Brewery – "Naughty Noelle"

York Brewery – "Naughty Noelle".

Submitted by Gilbert Gubbins.

Wold Top Brewery – "Voluptuous Vicky"

Wold Top Brewery – "Voluptuous Vicky."

Submitted by Valerie Smith.

Tydd Steam Brewery– "Dr Fox's Cunning Linctus" and "Dr Fox's Chicken Choker"

Tydd Steam Brewery – "Dr Fox's Cunning Linctus" and "Dr Fox's Chicken Choker"

Spotted by the ever-vigilant @alcofrolicchap.

Houston's "Tartan Terror"

Houston's "Tartan Terror."

Hat-tip to Mark Jackson for the pic.

Springhead "Rupert's Ruin"

Springhead "Rupert's Ruin"

As Rupert Murdoch has been in the news just a bit recently, a bit of topical newspaper-magnate baiting would be understandable. But no, what do we have here? Rupert Bear.

So what's it trying to say? The much-loved children's character Rupert Bear was afflicted by alcoholism, particularly a fondness for Springhead's beer?

Perhaps we are supposed to "geddit".

"Rupert eh, you think we mean the bear, but really it's Murdoch. Hur hur snurfle snurfle."

Nah, it's just bollocks. 

"Raunchy Reverend" by Tring Brewery

"Raunchy Reverend" by Tring Brewery.

Hat-tip to @beerbeauty for this one.

Derwent Brewery, "Doctor's Dilemma".

Derwent Brewery, "Doctor's Dilemma".

Derwent Brewery – Parson,s [sic] Pledge

Parson,s Pledge by Derwent Brewery.


A pumpclip so amateurish they couldn't even find the apostrophe on their keyboard.

And isn''t Pledge some kind of cleaning material?

Coastal Brewery - "Santa's Sac"

Here's the worst of Christmas 2010's offerings.

"Santa's Sac" from the  Coastal Brewery of Cornwall.

Holden's Brewery - "Flo Jangles"

Holden's Brewery "Flo Jangles".

Thanks to Stuart Ross for the pic.

It seems Holdens might produce quite a range of atrocities – check here. Keep your eyes peeled.

North Yorkshire Brewing Company - "Dizzy Dick" and "Love Muscle"

Here we have "Dizzy Dick" and "Love Muscle" by the North Yorkshire Brewery Company.

Thanks to @zakavery of BeerRitz in Leeds for the submission.

Slaters - "Top Totty"

Many thanks to Andy Mogg (@beerreviewsandy) for this one.

"Top Totty" by Slaters Brewery.

Santa's Woeful?

Santa's Skinful by Three B's [bees on the label - geddit?] Brewery.

I suppose we should be grateful it's not called "Santa's Sackful".

Salamander's Trouser Trumpet

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: David W. Bailey
Date: 2009/11/19
Subject: Trouser Trumpet
To: pumpclip.parade@googlemail.com


I do sometimes wonder if the objection to a little bit of fun with beer names etc is being a bit square....plus, one persons classy advertising is crass to somebody else. I know some people see BrewDog as crass for instance.

However, when I saw Trouser Trumpet, and also witnessed peoples obvious subliminal aversion to even tasting it, because of the name, then that's when I realised that there is a point to what you are doing. If weak double entendres sell beer than it's not a problem and I've seen otherwise grown up, middle aged men turn into giggling childish school boys and order a round of something that Pumpclip Parade might object to. When the joke becomes offensive to the majority of the people it is aimed at then it has failed.

You can quote me if you wish.

Christmas Beer Cringes

Some bottles spotted in Booths today.

All fall in the irksome category "Dad likes beer dunnee our Kyle? Lez gerrim some for Christmas."

Pictures Needed – Britain's Worst Beer Names.

Here's a list of cringy names I compiled from the GBG a couple of years ago. Some may be dead and gone but many are still around. Let's see if we can get some pictures to complement the gloriously awful names.

Some are worse than others, but I'd say all fail the ordering-at-the-bar test: they all require a little shrug of the shoulders, a roll of the eyes and a sigh to signify to the bar staff you are not a sad freak.

It's all here: crappy puns, allusions to injury of craniums and grey matter; gratuitous alliteration; smutty snurfling; Dungeons&Dragons; Ye-Oldiness; furry or slimy critters; bombastic belligerence.

------------

Ale Mary
Baz's Bonce Blower
Bearly Literate
Bashful Beaver
Bumble Hole Bitter
Codrington Codger
Collie Wobbles
Crafty Shag
Croak & Stagger
Dizzy Dick
Doff Cocker
Dog Daze
Dozey Dawg
Druid's Fluid
Duck'n'Disorderly
'erbert
Ewe-phoria
Ewe-reek-a
Fine Fettle
Flashman's Clout
Friar Duck
Friggin in the Riggin
Frog Bog
Fuggle-Dee-Dum
Funky Monkey
Gartley Nagger
Gobble
Goldihops
Grumpling
Guest Fest
Guzzler
Hadda's Headbanger
Hairy Helmet
Haunted Hen
Headcracker
Hobgoblin
Honey Bunny
Hoptimism
Humpty Dumpty's Downfall
Hung Drawn 'n' Portered
Jock's Trap
Keel Over
Keystone Hops
Knocker Up
Kornish Nektar
Kripple Dick
Lancashire & Yorkshire Aleway
Land of Hop and Glory
Leper Squint
Lickerish Stout
Love Muscle
Mad Monk
Milk of Amnesia
Mucky Duck
Mutley's Revenge
Mutts Nuts
Naughty Ferrets
Naughty Nell's
Nessies Monster Mash
Nether Underestimate a Blonde
No-Eye Deer
Norfolk Nog
Nowtsa Matter
Numpty Bitter
Oggy Vog
Old(e) - 81 examples including:
Old Comfort
Old Disreputable
Old Dog
Old Fecker
Old Growler
Old Groyne
Old Jock
Old Knobbley
Old Slapper
Old Slug
Old Speckled Hen
Old Stoatwobbler
Old Stumpy
Old Tosser
Olde Codger
One for the Toad
One-Der-Ful Wheat
Over and Stout
Pail Ail
Pain in the Glass
Palmer's Poison
Parker's Porter
Parson's Pledge
Pawn Star
Penny's Porter
Peploe's Tipple
Pheasant Plucker
Piddle in the Dark/Hole/Snow/Wind
Pigswill
Pinch Noggin'
Piston Bitter / Brew
Plucking Pheasant
Poacher's Dick/Pocket/Pride/Trail
Polly's Folly
Pot Wallop
Pressed Rat and Warthog [yes, I know it's a song name]
Pucks Folly
Puritan's Porter
Qu'offa's
Quacker Jack
Rack and Ruin
Rail Ale
Rambers Ruin
Rampant Gryphon
Rams Revenge
Reel Ale
Ribble Rouser
Ringing Roger
Rite Flanker
Rougham Ready
Royale
Rucking Mole
Rusty Bucket
Sauce of the Niall
Sawley Tempted
Sheepshaggers Gold
Side Pocket for a Toad
Silk of Amnesia
Sipping Bull
Skullsplitter
Slaughter Porter
Sleck Dust
Slippery Jack
Slumberjack
Slurping Stoat
Snoozy Suzy
Soar Head
Spike's on t'Way
Summa That
Sunny Daze
Sweaty Clog
Tabatha the Knackered
Tackler's Tipple
Taffy's Tipple
Thistle Tickler
Tits Up
Tittesworth Tipple
Top Totty
Trembling Rabbit
Trotter's Tipple
Trout Tickler
Wafty Cranker (NEW!)
Weiss Buoy
Weiss Squad
What the Duck
Whitley Wobbler
Wigan Bier
Winkle Warmer Porter
Wobbly Bob
Ye Olde Trout