Thursday, 5 November 2009

Pictures Needed – Britain's Worst Beer Names.

Here's a list of cringy names I compiled from the GBG a couple of years ago. Some may be dead and gone but many are still around. Let's see if we can get some pictures to complement the gloriously awful names.

Some are worse than others, but I'd say all fail the ordering-at-the-bar test: they all require a little shrug of the shoulders, a roll of the eyes and a sigh to signify to the bar staff you are not a sad freak.

It's all here: crappy puns, allusions to injury of craniums and grey matter; gratuitous alliteration; smutty snurfling; Dungeons&Dragons; Ye-Oldiness; furry or slimy critters; bombastic belligerence.

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Ale Mary
Baz's Bonce Blower
Bearly Literate
Bashful Beaver
Bumble Hole Bitter
Codrington Codger
Collie Wobbles
Crafty Shag
Croak & Stagger
Dizzy Dick
Doff Cocker
Dog Daze
Dozey Dawg
Druid's Fluid
Duck'n'Disorderly
'erbert
Ewe-phoria
Ewe-reek-a
Fine Fettle
Flashman's Clout
Friar Duck
Friggin in the Riggin
Frog Bog
Fuggle-Dee-Dum
Funky Monkey
Gartley Nagger
Gobble
Goldihops
Grumpling
Guest Fest
Guzzler
Hadda's Headbanger
Hairy Helmet
Haunted Hen
Headcracker
Hobgoblin
Honey Bunny
Hoptimism
Humpty Dumpty's Downfall
Hung Drawn 'n' Portered
Jock's Trap
Keel Over
Keystone Hops
Knocker Up
Kornish Nektar
Kripple Dick
Lancashire & Yorkshire Aleway
Land of Hop and Glory
Leper Squint
Lickerish Stout
Love Muscle
Mad Monk
Milk of Amnesia
Mucky Duck
Mutley's Revenge
Mutts Nuts
Naughty Ferrets
Naughty Nell's
Nessies Monster Mash
Nether Underestimate a Blonde
No-Eye Deer
Norfolk Nog
Nowtsa Matter
Numpty Bitter
Oggy Vog
Old(e) - 81 examples including:
Old Comfort
Old Disreputable
Old Dog
Old Fecker
Old Growler
Old Groyne
Old Jock
Old Knobbley
Old Slapper
Old Slug
Old Speckled Hen
Old Stoatwobbler
Old Stumpy
Old Tosser
Olde Codger
One for the Toad
One-Der-Ful Wheat
Over and Stout
Pail Ail
Pain in the Glass
Palmer's Poison
Parker's Porter
Parson's Pledge
Pawn Star
Penny's Porter
Peploe's Tipple
Pheasant Plucker
Piddle in the Dark/Hole/Snow/Wind
Pigswill
Pinch Noggin'
Piston Bitter / Brew
Plucking Pheasant
Poacher's Dick/Pocket/Pride/Trail
Polly's Folly
Pot Wallop
Pressed Rat and Warthog [yes, I know it's a song name]
Pucks Folly
Puritan's Porter
Qu'offa's
Quacker Jack
Rack and Ruin
Rail Ale
Rambers Ruin
Rampant Gryphon
Rams Revenge
Reel Ale
Ribble Rouser
Ringing Roger
Rite Flanker
Rougham Ready
Royale
Rucking Mole
Rusty Bucket
Sauce of the Niall
Sawley Tempted
Sheepshaggers Gold
Side Pocket for a Toad
Silk of Amnesia
Sipping Bull
Skullsplitter
Slaughter Porter
Sleck Dust
Slippery Jack
Slumberjack
Slurping Stoat
Snoozy Suzy
Soar Head
Spike's on t'Way
Summa That
Sunny Daze
Sweaty Clog
Tabatha the Knackered
Tackler's Tipple
Taffy's Tipple
Thistle Tickler
Tits Up
Tittesworth Tipple
Top Totty
Trembling Rabbit
Trotter's Tipple
Trout Tickler
Wafty Cranker (NEW!)
Weiss Buoy
Weiss Squad
What the Duck
Whitley Wobbler
Wigan Bier
Winkle Warmer Porter
Wobbly Bob
Ye Olde Trout

10 comments:

  1. Dismayed to see Skullsplitter there: that's proper history that is.

    Though I'd add Liquid Lobotomy (Garton) and What The Fox Hat (Church End).

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, Hey "Hops and Glory " is brilliant name for a beer and even for best selling beer/travel/history book and whom ever coined must be lyrical genius and master wordsmith!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorry BN, "Skullsplitter", regardless of historical reference, alludes to headache and thereby draws attention to its relatively high strength. Not the done thing, old chap.

    ReplyDelete
  4. No, I don't think it does allude to that. It certainly doesn't on their website. This is 100% your inference, unless you can show me different.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Names alluding to head/brain injury tend to the brewer's high-strength offering.

    Woodfordes Headcracker Barley Wine is another example. OK, 7% isn't strong by global standards, but it is by UK pint-drinking standards.

    I'm keeping my eye out for more examples.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think we'll have to agree to disagree on Skullsplitter.

    Spotted one for you at the weekend: Bateman's Miss Luscious; from the people who brought you Middle Wicket.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've just spotted Archers Headbanger (6.5%, their third-strongest). I'm sure there are more out there.

    While searching I came across a beer called "Wafty Cranker". That's definitely going in the list.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Incidentally, can I offer for consideration my own least-favourite English beer brand sub-genre: mechanised weapons of death.

    Spitfire; Lancaster Bomber; Dambuster. I know you've already had a go at the cringe-worthy extended Spitfire advertising, but surely the very notion of celebrating killing people is in poor taste.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe a poor reasoning to escape this branding of weaponry related booze, but "Spitfire" is also a classic British sports-car... :)

      Delete
  9. Not fogetting Everything from the WC brewery altho', actually, many of the clips are rather nice.

    ReplyDelete

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